


Ghosts

by Baileys



Series: What Family's For [9]
Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: Angst, Canonical Character Death, Episode: s10e13 Nelson's Sparrow, Family, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-15
Updated: 2017-01-15
Packaged: 2018-09-17 16:51:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,924
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9334121
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Baileys/pseuds/Baileys
Summary: Missing and extended scenes for Nelson's Sparrow and Hero Worship. How is the team processing Gideon's death?





	

_"Even harder to play a ghost"_

He hears the car just as Agent Sharp is covering the body. There's no mistaking the clunk of the old engine as it's driver brings it to a stop. Soft footfalls make their way slowly through the damp leaves and Reid enters the cabin moments later. Hotch sees the unconcealed tears and puts as much strength and reassurance into his gaze as he can manage, but knows it's not enough. Garcia and Morgan appear next, Penelope predictively asking for confirmation.

"It's Gideon."

Reid bolts. Pushing passed Morgan he's out the door and into the night the second the damning words are spoken. Collectively all gazes turn to him and Aaron breathes deeply. Not a sigh. A sigh would mean defeat or maybe frustration. No he breathes to stave off the impending anxiety, anxiety he knows they are all feeling because even Morgan is looking to him, asking him to do something to fix this. Any other day if Reid had run out the room upset Derek Morgan would be the first to go after him but tonight he's as shocked and as frozen as the rest of them.

"I'll go." Kate speaks up. Out of all them she looks the most unsure, understandable since she isn't feeling this loss as personally as the rest of them.

"No, it's okay." Hotch nods, trying to smile politely but unsure if he really pulls it off judging by her nervous shrug. He knows she's only offering out of the need to do something helpful. "Everyone take a few minutes."

Stepping out of the cabin he hoped to have found Reid sitting on the bottom of the wooden steps, or at least in his car, certain that his escape was so they didn't see him cry. But on searching the immediate area and not finding their wayward young friend Hotch's heart sank. Reid's car was still parked, as were the others, so wherever he's gone it was on foot. Unprepared for a hike into the woods in the dark Aaron toys with the idea of going back inside to enlist some help but quickly nixes that idea. Grief can cause all manner of conflicting emotions, the last thing the team needs is to fallout over Reid's little disappearing act.

"Agent Hotchner?"

Hotch, hovering in the middle of the dirt driveway focused on getting a sense of which way Reid went, turns to see Agent Sharp and the Sheriffs deputy who'd first greeted them.

"The area's secure?"

"We've set up the road blocks. I need to go interview the nearest neighbours." Sharp informs before moving toward her own vehicle.

"There's only the one road in and out, but if our guys on foot..." The deputy shrugs, expecting them to have already realised that possibility given Gideon was clearly taken by surprise.

Hotch frowns, staring dead ahead into the dark mass of trees and who knew how many trails where murders could escape - or hide.

_Damn you Reid._

Stepping over a fallen log Hotch thanks the deputy and makes his way along the most accessible route, deciding to enter the woods at the point directly across from the cabin's entrance. Reid wouldn't have planned his little trek and in all likelihood ran out the door and just kept going.

Coming upon a small clearing, cabin still visible behind him even in the dark, Hotch turns a full 360. Through the sparse trees the night sky is morphing into a lighter blue, a hint of orange forming on the horizon. The sun would be rising soon. He hadn't gone far but was amazed the others hadn't come looking for them yet.

"What the hell am I doing?" Hotch whispers to himself, looking heavenward.

"Good question."

Hotch spins, reaching for his weapon, finding his aim ready to shoot.

"Damnit Reid!" Aaron lowers his gun immediately.

Reid matches his move by lowering his gaze. "Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you."

"Which time? By running off when there's an unsub on the loose or sneaking up on someone with a loaded weapon?"

The angry tone gets him nowhere of course. Reid takes a couple of steps back, creating plenty of distance between them while wrapping both arms around his chest like a shield. Kid doesn't argue though, which tells Hotch Reid knows he's been a idiot. Not seeing any benefit to lament on the subject of basic safety right now, remembering exactly why he'd not sort the assistance of the others in the first place Hotch holds out his hand.

"Come on, we need to head back before the others find out you're missing."

Reid hesitates, making the move to step forward only to rock back on his heels. His hand reaches out in an instinctual mirroring action so when cool finger tips brush his Hotch snatches the opportunity. Encircling his fingers around one skinny wrist he pulls Reid forward, and dragging him along retraces his path through the trees back to Gideon's cabin. They emerge only seconds before Morgan steps out on the porch.

"Hey, everything okay out here?"

Hotch looks Reid over, only then noticing he's yet to let go of the kids wrist. He doesn't want to. Fear that Reid will run off again at the forefront of his mind. But knowing he can't keep him on a leash forever Hotch swaps wrist for shoulder and guilds Reid over to his car. He wasn't making anyone go back into the cabin tonight.

...

"How's the kid?"

Morgan really doesn't know how to answer.

He and Reid had been through a lot over the past eleven years, but Morgan could count on one hand how many times he'd actually seen Reid cry. The kid was resilient. Walking into the morgue Derek knew that resilience wasn't going to keep him together this time. Hell he wasn't sure he'd be able to keep it together.

Listening to ME describe Gideon's final moments Morgan had thought back. After leaving the way he did, he'd sometimes imagined to what end Gideon would come. Turned out his imagination wasn't far off. As much as he wished differently, he very much doubted Gideon would ever comprehend the pain he caused and think to make amends. The man was infuriatingly obtuse when it came to others feelings and it annoyed him that Reid was standing next to him now, as silent as he had been in the car, crying over a man who in the end clearly didn't give a damn about him.

That didn't matter right now though. Watching tears trail slowly down fever flushed cheeks he couldn't tell if Reid was actually getting sick or if the past few hours had just pushed him beyond his emotional limits. Trying his best to offer comfort was a challenge because as much as he wanted to coddle the kid he also needed Reid to know he couldn't run away again. They needed him to solve this, they needed to not worry about him.

Looking at Rossi's worn and weathered features he realises his instincts were correct. They're all going to have to band together to get through this, neither one of them strong enough to carry their own grief alone. He rationalises it shouldn't be this hard. Gideon's been gone years. But being gone and being dead are two different things.

_How's the kid?_

"Not great, but he'll get his head back in the game."

...

"Just coffee please." Hotch really wasn't in the mood for any small town hospitality but managed to keep his tone polite. "So how's Reid doing?"

"Well he's not made anymore escape attempts if that's what you mean." Rossi forces a grin.

"I'm not sure how to handle him." Hotch sighs, unsurprised that Rossi knew about their little excursion this morning.

"Right now I don't think we'll have to. Kid knows we're all hurting, he knows acting out now won't help us catch this son of a bitch."

"But what happens after we catch him?"

Reid, Kate and Morgan file in then, breaking the contemplative silence and bombard them with new information. Reid's first to offer his quick fire hypothesis about the library books, followed by Kate with Morgan summing things up. If it wasn't for the agitated sharpness of Reid's words, or the heavy sadness in Morgan's tone it's almost like any other case.

...

"Do we have a problem?"

Hotch's guttural voice filled the modest kitchenette they called their break room, and at first Rossi declined to respond, choosing instead to focus on stirring his sugarless coffee. Then Aaron stepped closer, his imposing presence closing in until they were standing side by side, demanding an answer to what should be a very simple question.

"Problem?" Rossi mimics continuing to stir, forming a mini whirlpool in his imported Lavazza.

"With Reid." Hotch spoke plainly leaning forward, intense stare fixed and unrelenting.

Dave could only ignore him for so long before the pressure from that stare produced a physical burning sensation between his eyes. "He's grieving."

He holds back the rest. Grief was only a small part of a much larger conundrum where Spencer was concerned, and honestly he really didn't want to get into it. Like a feather duster that doesn't really clean just moves the dust around, talking would only push the problem to some other corner of the mind. Dave cared for each and everyone of his BAU family, past and present, but something about Gideon's passing was still gnawing at him and he knew it was gnawing at Reid too.

Reaching for and pouring his own coffee from the recently filled pot in silence Hotch waits until Rossi's about to leave the room to release a pent up sigh.

"I'm worried about him." Shoulders dropping with the admission Aaron moves to sit at the empty table.

Rossi had one foot out into the bullpen before the sigh stopped him in his tracks and had him turning back around to join him.

"I am to. But I don't see we can do anything but wait it out."

A sense of _de ja vu_ overwhelms them. They were back in Roanoke, only thing missing was the offer of pie.

"He's so...so... sad."

Rossi nodded. _Sad_ describes Spencer's presentation of late perfectly. He isn't outright crying or anything, not anymore, but his eyes have lost their mischievous spark.

"It's normal." Dave tries to make the words sound believable.

Features heavy with worry and what looked to be nowhere near enough sleep Hotch meets his own troubled gaze head on and calls him out on the lie. "No. This isn't."

"So?" Rossi throws back, blowing air through gritted teeth. "What can we do?"

"If I knew I wouldn't be asking you."

"Thanks for the compliment." He chuckles, taking a long sip of his cooling coffee. "You're the team leader, don't the FBI have manuals for this kind of thing?"

"For employees." Hotch groans. "Reid isn't just my employee he's-"

Rossi watches Hotch choke on his words. The pressure of being both a supervisor and father weighing unequally on his shoulders.

"Reid's family. We all are. Even Gideon. Which is why this is so damn hard. Losing someone on the job is hard, but knowing Gideon chose to go after Mallick by himself instead of swallowing his pride and asking for our help?"

Rossi cut off there, already he'd said too much.

"You're the one trying to protect him." Hotch casually points out.

Rossi chuckles softly. "Touché."

They share a sad telling smile, but the good humour dissolves quickly.

"How's he doing, really? I've tried talking to him but..." Hotch cuts off this time.

"I wish I knew. I do. He won't talk to me either."

"Morgan said the same." Hotch nods sadly.

And with the weight of those words hanging between them, they lapse into silence.

To avoid staring into his near empty coffee mug while Hotch finishes off his Rossi's gaze travels out into the main office. Nobody else is in yet, only them and the cleaning staff. Checking his watch it reads a little after 6:30am and he shares that knowledge with his likeminded friend sitting opposite. They've both been frequenting the office at a much earlier hour of late, but sharing one look confirms neither wanted to discuss it.

"So how bad do you think?" Hotch asks standing ready to start a new work day.

"On a Reid scale of one to ten?" Rossi pauses for effect, eyeing Hotch over his mug before taking his last sip. "Eleven."

Hotch laughs, a cold and empty sound that dies quickly as they make their way out of the break room and up the bullpen stairs. "I know he's not been sleeping."

"Not sleeping, eating, you name it he's not doing it." And the anger Rossi felt about that, how poorly the kid is treating himself, suddenly bubbles to the surface. "You know for a genius he can be incredibly stupid sometimes."

"I think when faced with something we don't want to deal with the minds instinct is to regress to familiar coping mechanisms. Reid handles loss the same way he does change."

"Badly." Rossi grabs the door handle to his office, dreading what the day might bring them.

"He's pulling away from us just like he did after we closed the Doyle case." Hotch's lip pull into a tight line, preventing any more words falling out about that unfortunately situation.

"And Blake... Maeve." Rossi adds for balance.

"Honestly, I don't know how to pull him back in this time."

Hotch said it so matter of fact Rossi wanted nothing more than Gideon alive and well in front of him so he could kill the selfish bastard all over again for the pain and suffering he was causing.

"He feels abandoned," Rossi agrees. "You know, he told me on the way to the bomb shelter he'd come to terms with Gideon leaving, knowing he was still out there was enough. But now -" Rossi paused, features twisting in sudden realization before settling into something a little more confident. "Actually, let me handle this."

"Got something in mind?" Hotch asks, obviously surprised by the U-turn.

"Kind of," Rossi hums, trying to keep his expression neutral "but it won't work if he's on high alert with all of us trying to coddle him."

Hotch stares him down, but he isn't he only one around here with a hell of a poker face. "Okay, I'll tell Morgan and the others to back off. For now."

The order was clear. Solves this. Please, for all our sakes.

"I know," Rossi meets his concerned gaze head on. "I promise I'll let you know as soon as I do."

With that Dave opened his office door and flicked on the light. A renewed sense of hope replacing that part of him that just wasn't yet settled with the way things had turn out.

...

_"I'd just really like to play one more game of chess with him. [ ] I knew he was always out there and now it just feels empty."_

_"Yeah. I know. But time will past and slowly you'll forget how much it hurts. And maybe you'll find something else to fill that empty space."_

_"I don't want to find something else."_

"Reid, what you working late?"

Spencer looks up, startled.

"Just waiting for rush hour to subside, a lot of close personal contact on the subway right now."

Dave smiles softly, listening to the lame excuse before debunking it. He wanted to order him out now, or better yet drag Reid home with him, but knew despite the open vulnerability from being rumbled that it wouldn't work. So he left like he had every night this week since his early morning conversation with Hotch, with an affectionate 'goodnight Spencer'. Leaving Reid there alone each night was one of the hardest things he's had to do in a long while, but leave him he did. His guilt and worry sated from knowing the worst the kid was going to do was stay up late, drink too much coffee and play chess.

Walking through glass double doors and into the elevator Reid's voice was running on a loop in his head. Rossi had finally worked out what had been gnawing at him. He'd questioned his friendship with Gideon, how could he not? But it wasn't until he remembered the kid's words in the car did he realise he and the kid had something else in common. They were both angry with Gideon for unfinished business.

When the kid snapped at him, making it clear he didn't want anything replacing Gideon he'd meant it. Meant it in the hurt and angry way kid's often did when unable to label their feelings. Rossi was the same, only he certainly wasn't a kid anymore and could identify the feeling of betrayal just fine. His problem had been denial. Denial that his friendship with Gideon had broken. Denial that he didn't blame Gideon for that. He was angry, just like he knew Reid was, angry at Gideon for dying before giving him the closure he hadn't until now realised he needed.

Reid was a resilient kid alright and Rossi had no doubts he'd be just fine with or without his help. But what Dave wanted Spencer to realise was that he already had something to fill that empty space. At least Rossi hoped that's what he's spent the last seven years doing.

...

Case over, boarding the Jet home was the easy part. Spencer avoided making it look like he'd purposely set himself away from the others by being the last to climb the stairs, compounding that further by choosing the single seat at the rear instead of his customary couch where the rest had gathered around. He had no need for the couch since he had no need for sleep at the moment. Or rather sleep had no need for him. With sleep came the dreams and with the dreams came nightmares and with the nightmares... well that was what Spencer wanted to avoid period, but especially on the jet in front of his friends.

A good way into the flight Reid was successfully avoiding sleep and his teammates by focusing all his energy and attention on the chessboard before him. Then David Rossi sauntered down the aisle, scotch in hand and Reid knew this would be his final move.

Rossi obviously had a sense that he wasn't alright, even before catching him with the chessboard in the precinct conference room earlier in the day. Hell Reid knew he wasn't alright, but he still needed to keep up the pretence the sake of his own sanity if nothing else. Emotional denial was a pretty powerful coping mechanism at the end of the day.

Caught out by a stupid cardigan, Reid had known his 'just got carried away excuse' was pitiful but couldn't think of a better lie at the time. Why bother anyway? Rossi was a profiler and could spot an untruth at twenty paces. Plus he no longer had the energy to keep up the ruse, too ashamed by his own juvenile behaviour of late. How is it he can stand in front of an entire police force with his colleagues giving a profile, yet can't deal with his own wayward emotions on any serious level? He was coping with this no better than a pre-schooler on his first day and Reid hated himself for it.

Having mentally braced himself for Rossi to call him out on the façade, unsure at the time whether he'd end up simply running from the room or god forbid, breaking down into tears, Reid had waited. And waited. And waited. Then something changed, the atmosphere lifted and Rossi asked him about the case.

Despite the narrow escape then, he'd been under no illusion going forward the matter was closed between them. Reid knew, eventually he'd be telling the older man the truth behind his insane marathon chess game. But then Rossi had also been Gideon's friend, and a small part of Spencer thought, out of anyone, he might understand. Understand his desire not to sever the last real connection he had to the man he once looked up to like a father, a connection beyond that now lifeless letter from years ago.

As predicted Rossi carried walking down the aisle, passed his own seat and stopped at his side, pinning Reid with a look not unlike Hotch's 'tell me everything' glare. Avoidance tactics having failed and with nowhere to run, Spencer swallowed his pride and gave it all up with his first words.

"You ever going to finish this game?"

"It's tough one, playing yourself can be tricky."

"Playing a ghost even more so," the kid retreats into himself and Dave feels like an ass, but quickly powers through with his plan, this was for the kid's own good after all. "He's gone Spencer, keeping the game going won't change that.

"He hated goodbyes."

_Isn't that the truth?_ Rossi wasn't touching that one. If Reid wanted to completely dismiss Gideon's short comings that was up to him. Not like he'll be able to mess with the kid's head or hurt him by abandoning him again that was for sure.

"Gideon also hated unfinished business, so, let's finish it." Ross replied instead, hoping to give them both a little of the closure now permanently denied them.

Reid didn't know what to say. But as it turned out he didn't need to say much of anything. Rossi chose actions instead of words, placing his drink on the table and taking the seat opposite he picked up a chess piece challenging Reid to an end.

Playing his next piece with a smile, fingers tapping with excitement having declared he'd be wiping the floor with Rossi in five moves, Reid realized something. Something scary, something happy and something that made him feel a little bit guilty all at the same time.

Gideon had left and Reid had been angry and upset, but in the end he'd tried to understand. He'd thought as long as Gideon was out there it was good enough, just like his own flesh and blood father, the one he could barely look at let alone speak to. He'd thought, he'd hoped that had Gideon ever come back that he'd be okay, be able to ask the questions he'd been wanting to ask for a long time now and be content with the answers, _was I not enough? Could I have done better?_

Truth was now he'd never know. Never know why Gideon had to leave his family as well as his job. Never know the feeling of satisfaction from finally discovering the truth. The hope of a yet to be determined ending had been stolen from him. He'd never get a conclusion or an apology. The chance to shout and scream and demand an explanation had been taken from him like so much else had been over the years. Gideon and his father had left him years ago, but there were others who hadn't left at all. A couple even joined. But only a select few called him Spencer with all the love and affection that speaking his own name embodied. And one of those people was here right now, sitting across the table from him, playing chess.

It didn't make losing Gideon for the second time any easier, but it was nice to know that despite what he'd said... that empty space? It was filled, and had been for quite some time.


End file.
